I wish I could punch you in the face.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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