She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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