my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She bit a glass in half.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize