i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
