I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
third nipple confirmed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
