his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
