I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
