I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
