1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
