I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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