god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
