dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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