I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
