Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
