So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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