I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
