there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize