dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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