So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drunk is not a location!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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