He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
