He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
