When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize