She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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