when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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