This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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