Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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