"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
