I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
