I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
