I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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