I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She even gives head with a lisp.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
