They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
