i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
