Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
