i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
