just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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