2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
