after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
