and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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