When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
