Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
