I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
