i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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