what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
