U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
