I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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