did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
