So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is wine microwaveable?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
