I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
