it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
