she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
