I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
