So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are the jesus of drinking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
