take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
