Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
