Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
