You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
