dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
