I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
