Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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