we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
