Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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