it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have aggressive nipples.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
