The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
