i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
