Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
