Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
